Today in Tabs: Revelations

The end times are upon us, brothers and sisters. As it says in Revelations, chapter 20 verse 13, "And the sea gave up the dead which were in it; and death and hell delivered up the dead which were in them: and they were judged every man according to their works." Yesterday, hell gave up the Corvette that was in it. A goat head was found in Prospect Park. And BuzzFeed and the New Yorker delivered up the gingers that were in them, with the revelation that John Herrman and Matt Buchanan are on their way to co-edit the Awl, where every man is judged according to his works. "A lioness hath whelped in the streets; And graves have yawn'd, and yielded up their dead;" continues the Bible or whatever, and David Faustino is 40 years old. Do you think that name is a coincidence? My brethren and sistren and all ye here assembled, mistake not the signs and portents! Be not deceived by the Selfie of the Beast! Answer the call when it cometh, for the call only comes but once, and there is no voicemail, nay, nor texts to circle back nor toucheth base. The armies of the wicked shall rise, the righteous shall be debased, and "CAT-5" shall be the mark upon them. Let him who has ears hear, and she with eyes see.

Today in Law: The Justice Department filed a brief against antenna-rental startup Aereoin its Supreme court case, scheduled for oral argument on April 22nd. The Cato Institute and P.J. O'Rourke filed an almost shockingly readable and entertaining amicus brief in defense of political lying and "truthiness." I don't agree with Cato about much, but as someone who partly makes a living writing lies*, I am entirely with them on this one. Is vaping too cool to be legal? asks NPR. And they would know what's cool. I mean, NPR right? Cooool.

It's only 2014 but here's a preview of the type of garbage commentary we're going to see about Hillary for the next two years. Whee.

Twitter is installing vintage log cabins in its cafeteria, a move all but dictated by the reclaimed wood era of social network design aesthetics in which we currently reside. Log cabins, lol, I know but the guy who's installing them is pretty interesting. Facebook vassal Instagram is expected to follow suit:

FlappyFall. It's surprising how little difference it makes that this article is in a language I do not speak or read.

Facebook advertises on Facebook. "It's just the best place to reach the type of person we want to join Facebook," says Facebook. Gay-hating alterna-Scouts literally do a Nazi salute in case you were confused at all about what their deal is. Washington Post creates NYC design and development office because look, DC is lame, there's just no getting around it. Laser mind control. Six and a half minutes of nonstop vehicular progress in Manhattanhailed as near-miracle. What's your Travolta Name? It's called "AirPnP" get it?

XOXO will happen again in September. Philip Bumpruminates on the weird permanence of the internet and what we're supposed to do with that. My friends Mark Wunsch and Casey Kolderup started a podcast about technology and people which is both good and intentionally short, thank god. DDoSes are frequently extortion attempts according to Russell Brandom in the Verge. Don't lick your phone what is wrong with everyone?

Today in Videos:Wes Anderson's visual style (via Kottke). Kevin Spacey teated like a woman on the red carpet via Buzzfeed. A lot of dolphins, filmed by drone (via Digg).

Today's Thought-Provoking and Controversial Medium Post:Do you know how expensive whitespace is?

Today's Song: Charli XCX, "SuperLove."Paul listens to this on repeat all day.

~"You shall not eat any flesh with the blood in it. You shall not interpret tabs or tell fortunes." Lev. 19:26~

Today in Tabs repents of our tabs, and is washed clean in the sight of the Lord. Join us at Newsweek, which is holding a revival on Friday and I do hope I'll see you all there. Pass the hat ladies and gents, that's right. Give what you can, even if it's only your email address, and I can promise you there will be tabs in the valley for you.

* In service of a greater truth of course! That truth being "me paying my mortgage."