Today in Tabs: Tab-Warner Cable and Facebook's Evil Yacht

News emerged last night that Comcast is making an offer to buy Time-Warner Cable for $44 billion. This seems upsetting, but it's hard to imagine how either company could get worse. Nevertheless, people are not thrilled the way they would be if, say, Comcast announced it was going to grab Time-Warner and leap to its death in the Crack of Doom. There was a chart passed around comparing the market caps of new media to the old boring cable companies, but Choire has a corrective for that nonsense.

Nick Carlson's BI tab about Facebook has kicked off a little cottage industry analyzing so-called "Facebook truthers."Will Oremus #SlatePitches us the assertion that "something about Facebook makes journalists lose their minds." TLDR's PJ Vogtspeculates that it's either cynical clickbait or just plain anxiety, while Charlie Warzel thinks that Facebook's hilariously inept effort at "transparency" might itself be to blame. I'm sure Facebook is steepling its fingers and following all of this closely from the Evil Yacht that it is literally launching in San Francisco Bay right now.

Speaking of really smooth segues between paragraphs, Medium has a good cartoon roundup of the new tech boom's effects on life in San Francisco. If you're not caught up with the latest in online identity shenanigans, The Wall St. Journal has an overview of Whisper and Secret for the Olds. If you are caught up, @pud made a DM app for Secret, called Anonyfish. And the President of Paypalis mad because even Paypal employees hate Paypal, but instead of asking them why, he tells them to quit. Good plan! Eventually only people who truly love Paypal will work there, so no one will have to work there.

Farhadmust have passed his drug test because they started letting him write for the Times. A MicrosoftPR guy thinks he must be high for not recommending any MS products, but to me that seems like good evidence of sobriety. "And with a cross-platform connected ecosystem that spans the workplace to the living room featuring best in class products like Office, Skype, and Xbox..." people really talk like this in the tech industry, it's truly the most dire pit of filth imaginable.

Venture capitalistsdeluded and creepy. "...he was hunched over his iPad, rocking back and forth, mumbling to himself. As I got closer, I saw Eric flipping through and reading Paul Graham’s essays out loud."

This is a bold assertion, but I think we may have found the worst Kickstarter of all time.

Anil Dashwrote up what happened when he spent a year (almost) only retweeting women. As always when Anil says anything at all about any subject, lots of folks managed to get mad about it.

But enough being mad on the internet! Remember the Devil's Corvettes? Now there's video of Old Scratch taking delivery, and also drone-copter footage from inside Beelzebub's garage. NYMag has Olympic gif-caps for Tuesday and Wednesday. I basically just want to watch these all day long now. Btw word is that Olympic village Tinder is outstanding, which I guess it would be. And no, we're STILL not done with Flappy Bird because now there is massively-multiplayer online Flappy Bird (via Kottke). It's impressive how much the field thins out after the first pipe. And scientists at Lawrence Livermore have made a great advance in nuclear fusion, led by a plasma physicist named Omar Hurricane. Hats off to you, Dr. Hurricane.

Do yourself a favor and check out Glenn Greenwald's first column at the Intercept. I mean you can skim the column if you want, but do not miss the comments section. The readership over there is really something special, and sure to be a source of joy for a long time to come.

And finally, Editorially announced it's shutting down, which is a bummer. It'll go offline May 30th.

Today in Sphincter-Clenching Terror: Two maniacs climb the second tallest building in the world.

Today in Nope: Petition asking Netflix to release House of Cards season 2 a day early because it's snowing.

Today's Song:Wrecking Ball, feat. Homer Simpson

~Close only counts in tabs and hand grenades~

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