Today in Tabs: A Good Day for the Meritocracy

Github finally released the results of its exhaustive internal investigation into the departure of Julie Ann Horvath and her accusations of bullying. In an unusual move, Github CEO and Co-founder Chris Wanstrath released a video of himself personally relaying the company's findings.

Co-founder Tom Preston-Warnerexpressed his deep contrition in a blog post: "we are prepared to fight any further false claims on this matter to the full extent of the law... I believe I was able to achieve a great deal of success with that model at GitHub, even if things didn't always go perfectly according to plan." Obviously a man taking a big step back and licking his wounds for a wh— "...I think stealth mode is bullshit and if you feel the same way I do about immersive computing then I want to talk with you about it." Oh. Ok. So I guess we shouldn't be surprised that Theresa Preston-Warner took her own victory lap on Medium: "I’ve been living in NYC, pushing forward with my own company, Omakase Charity, which is the first nonprofit accepted into TechStars." Completing the trifecta is the resurfacing of an anonymous Medium post purporting to tell "The Rest of the Julie Ann Horvath Story".

The wagons have circled, the "investigation" has miraculously found no evidence, any future allegations will be prosecuted and the ghost of Julie Ann Horvath has been swept under the Meritocracy rug. Ellen Chisaexplains why this matters: "Right now, the industry is telling me 'if anything bad happens to you, we’ll throw you out instead of trying to address it.'"

The Reign of 'Splain: The New York Times launched its quasi-scatologically named explainer-site The Upshot today. What is it? Who is it for? What can it do for you, the news consumer? I don't know, read this I guess, but surely I'm not alone in being unable to care. Vox'splains "Basic" in a post that seems to be pitched only to white people. Dylan Matthews'splains CDs vs. records in such a comprehensive way that this debate is now over forever (j/k, vinyl aficionados will always believe dumb things no matter the evidence). Some random blog 'splained the invention of the Aeropress sort of a long time ago so that's why I'm sneaking it into the middle of a paragraph like this. Maybe you heard of the powdered booze Palcohol, supposedly coming soon to stores everywhere? Or maybe not? Either way, PopSci'splains how to make your own. Jonah Lehreris back with a new blog, but definitely not to 'splain anything! Just to quietly be contrite. And stuff. The new blog was immediately tainted by a welcome-back tweet from Malcolm Gladwell and is already under investigation. And finally, Businessweek'splains why the Post Office needs so many bullets.

I have worked pretty hard to avoid knowing who Thomas Piketty is, but NYMag broke the seal with this entertaining behind-the-scenes view of the French(?) economist(??)'s US media tour(???). Ok to be honest I still don't know who Piketty is really. None of this seems very plausible.

Today in Things: Sometimes things weren't things before they became things. So here are some things that are going to be things, whether you like it or not: A popup cat cafe. A 1 kilometer-tall building. A web series based on bad Tinder dates. The third installment of IRL Club (featuring Rob Dubbin, Kid Mero & Desus, Ayesha Siddiqi, Emily Spivack and Leyawn again)! A brand new short story by Shirley Jackson.

Today in Mash-Ups:"Timber" feat Obama, Hillary C. "Imagine" feat Smashmouth. "Gin & Juice" feat. Bryan Williams. "Rockets" feat. drones. "Hippos" feat crocodiles.

Today in Sad:Krakauer on Sherpas. This theory about Up.

~So much drama in the T-A-B it's kinda hard being Snoop D-O-double-G~

Wow, what a down ending huh? This is like the Empire Strikes Back of Tabs. Hopefully tomorrow's will just be a bunch of Muppets. Until then, Today in Tabs remains, as ever, your most humble and devoted Newsweek, and your ever-zealous email subscription, even down unto the several generations that are yet to come.